Bring Yo Funeral Antics When I Go

funny-funeral-prank-grim-reaper

The only time I step into a Church is usually for a funeral.  I am petrified as I walk up but then an interesting thing happens, as I watch people empty their soul for their beloved – mines becomes full.  Why? Because I EMOTE and I soak up all the Emotion in the room.  I come out full and cleansed from the depletion of others.  Quite morbid.

My relationship with death is one of constant congestion and lack of any real emotion.  My people just don’t seem to get the process.  I can distinctly remember being told to not cry loud at my Fathers funeral, we didn’t do those types of things. It was private and you basically had like 3 or so days to get over it.  I haven’t experienced a lot of death in my immediate family, but it’s always so constipated and vague and distant.

As my mother has become older she has become (I guess like a lot of elderish folks) obsessed. She has it all planned out what color panties I am to wear.  Hell, I might not even be on the list to show up, lol  I need to check that. It’s all a bit too staunch for me…

So that’s why I want my funeral to be a damn circus you hear me!!!  I want it to hit worldstarhiphop before it’s over.  I want to be GRIEVED!!

  • I want someone to lay across the casket and moan mamasaymamasahmamacusah
  • I want an ex to stand up and yell she was the best fucking sex I ever had!
  • I want someone to bring a Michael Jackson Impersonator
  • I want A LOT of moaning
  • I want at least 10 people to get up and give regards and 2 of them need to faint
  • I want at least one fight between men
  • I want someone to yell out “she wasn’t nothing but a bitch” right in the middle and everyone turn around and yell SIT THE HELL DOWN!!
  • And I want a second line that is playing – Can You Feel It!

Go off script!  I’m gonna be dead so whatever I say doesn’t matter. If you want to do the stanky leg past the casket do that!!  Help my child emote and grieve and DON’T STOP HER!!

It doesn’t matter IN THE LEAST that I don’t know or can’t feel it – I want YOU to feel it. folks out here giving their all, being your human BEING and all you can do is wipe some quiet tears and almost have a stroke from holding it all in.  let it out! Even if I don’t deserve it..YOU DO!!

 

 

 

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