I can’t remember when I had the realization that I was pouring vinegar on everything in my life. It had become so natural that I didn’t even realize it.
I do know why it started. It was the only way I could relate. There was NEVER any happiness or GOOD things to talk about, especially when it pertained to other people. Therefore, in order to be included and have a voice, I joined in and it just became normal. The problem was that wasn’t the way my own feelings, life, moments were happening or sometimes even the way the other people’s lives were.
By nature, I’m actually a very easy going to the point of semi-coma type of person, lol I actually LOVE laughing and having a good time and enjoying myself and others. I actually smile a whole lol. There was always this disconnect as to the way others perceived me outside of that scope and the way I was perceived inside of it. I was leading a double life and It was getting the best of me.
One of the first things I started to work on in my ‘work’ was shedding all that negativity. I first took a ‘break’ for like a year and when I came up out of that, I had a broader voice, a more vocal voice and I felt so much better. All that negativity was not my thing to begin with but it really isn’t now. Life just can’t be that damn messy all the time. Life can’t be a continuous cesspool and you not smell it after awhile. It has destroyed relationships in my life that I won’t ever be able to really repair. I don’t want to live like that. So now, I have learned how to step over it, even if I don’t have on my thigh boots.
Now the conversations are amusing to me because I’m starting to lob the ball back. For every negative, especially about other people as if our shit don’t stank, I put it in perspective. If person A is doing something that someone in the ‘force field of perfection’ is also doing, I point it out. If it’s raining all day over your head, I show you where the umbrella is and tell you how much fun it is to splash in the puddles.
Man when I tell you it has freed up my life so much. I’m sooooo much freaking happier. I have stopped pouring vinegar on my own life as well. My smile comes from a genuine place like my hugs and what not. I now realize how much life you can miss being negative yet I also have come to realize how a person uses it as protection. It makes me sad because it’s like smearing vaseline on a picture window, just so you won’t see how beautiful it is outside, because if you do, you realize how afraid you are to go out and live in it.
I broke out the glass in all my windows – I wanna be right in the mix of things!!