Looking out the Window at the world passing by

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Love and Affection don’t come easy to me, I have had to learn it therefore, I must revisit it in order to keep it up to date.  I can be selfish as a throwback to a coping mechanism when I had no control over my life and let others dictate how it should be.  In regaining control, I have released…Love. So if I say I love you or show it, believe that I mean it.  I might just say it because I like hearing me SAY IT.  I might hug you because I like FEELING ME hug you.

This ‘thing’ with sticking your tongue out in pictures is one of the most unattractive things I’ve seen.

I stay amazed at the fact I can walk out my door in heels, come to work, walk all day and wear them home, lol

I’m not heartless but I am emotionally unattached to alotta shit..either I’m nonchalant or truly passionate…I need to figure out some balance.

Joy is having so much good, that your ‘best day/week/moment/year/season’ of your life list is crowded and changing daily

This really has been though, the best Michael Jackson season I’ve had since he passed.  Whoa!

The only thing I’m working daily on is keeping the desire to go slam off about my child under wraps. I apologize daily that both sides of her family leave a lot to be desired.

I have made peace with the fact that, I take care of a man, that’s what I do, that’s how I was raised.  The new discovery is that it’s ok for me to require I be taken care of as well..balance.

It’s a new world out here and all the things that you thought were are not and some of the things you didn’t think are.  You are going to HAVE to adjust your thinking as we move forward out here.

I refuse to feel guilt about the fact that I have decided that children are no longer in my spectrum of satisfaction be it my own, or someone else’s. I may be punished for that in my coming before God moment, but it’s where I’m at.  I’m looking forward to Grandchildren, God Willing and that’s…all.

I’ve found that I’m much less often to struggle with decisions, I don’t invite worry into my life for no damn reason.

I think about our mini-reunion often and look at the pictures.

Hurricane Katrina is 10 years old this week, which means I’ve been on facebook at least a decade because I remember being in the midst of that tragedy on that platform. Wow!

I made a list of all the good things I have been able to take away from relationships, because I refuse to follow the new trend of thinking that it’s all been a waste of time.  I also made a list of the good things that I received from those men, because none of them were bad men. I want to make sure that I keep those things with me.  We get so bogged down on what a negro didn’t do.  A lot of them in the midst of the relationship, did some good stuff.

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I can’t put my finger on why it is or even point out anything specific about what makes it that way…it just is. It speaks to some rooms in me that nobody even bothered to look in.  Those are the rooms, I wanted someone to find.

I smell death…again.

This is going to be the winter of unclutter.  January 1st is about the beginning of turning 50.

For the first half of my ‘change my story’ I was faking and lo and behold, now I really feel that way….

I have found myself in my private time crying with love for my child as she embarks on her own life, sometimes I can barely look at her without welling up.

My ability to make a world in the middle of another one, has probably kept me alive for this long.

My imaginary dance card is so full

I am just as satisfied and at peace with all my imaginary men as I am with my real one, lol I ain’t scared of no men, lol lol

I have hugged more people this year than I have in my whole entire life and I still chuckle when folks are shocked that I hug them, lol

If I can’t repair the relationships that need them the most, I will make sure I keep the ones that I have and repair little threads all along the seam.  It’s what keeps the entire thing from unraveling.

There are parts of me that still check my email for that…Dear Pam letter.

I need to make sure I get a picture with MJ Clyde before he leaves.

I am going to get this 10 lbs off dammit!

September I am going on a social life hiatus of sorts and redirect some money to some other things I’d like to get done, I have enjoyed these last almost 2 years of partying, but I gotta now return to some goals and shit, lol

I need to pick back up some of my hobbies. I thought of some scrap books I need to make including a part 2 of my MJ one.  Going to start getting that organized to pick back up.

I think I’ll stay awhile…..

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