I am gaining weight at a rapid pace
No you are not! Stop that mom! You are doing a great job! I just showed someone at work your picture and told them how proud I am of you
Later on that day I am laying across the bed and college girl comes in and smacks me on the ass
What the what?
Couldn’t help it mom, your butt is looking good, keep up the good work
ME: (in the mirror)
If only I saw it that way……