Now that the young one is one foot out the door, there seems to be this pressure to let the world know what I intend to do with..the rest of my life. Thus far my answer has pretty much been the same…Shit I don’t know, lol Am I suppose to be doing something in particular? Is there some template or something that I’m missing concerning this. The funniest part of this is that I have had several remarks like:
- You still have child rearing years left in you
- You really haven’t done anything meaningful to leave the world
So…do we ask men these questions? Why am I suppose to have this great plan other than Be Black, Avoid Cops and the IRS and DIE? Why as a woman I can’t say that I am DONE raising children mine or others.
I’ve NEVER really had a plan for life, I am a drifter of sorts when it comes to these things. I accept that about myself. It takes me a lonnng time to get to a what we shall call..execution point. Especially when it’s something big. The Gemini in me is a holder of great INCOMPLETE ideas. I go all in and then lose interest.
Currently, I am really into nuturing relationships. The one with myself, and the other ones I have. I am the girl who has the distinction of every man I’ve dated for the past 14 years has been met..online. I am the girl who created an entire social life on the internet because I stayed home with said child as much as possible. I also have puttered around by myself quite a bit..so right NOW, that takes up a great amount of time. Marveling at being able to move about like I would like, enjoying the company of what sometimes has been elusive to me, a good good group of female friends, Stepping out sometimes with a special man, doing a little bit of traveling and taking care of me. It’s a very low key smooth existence right now.
First off, I am not totally independent of said young person and though my parenting is much more hands off, it’s still there and my wallet especially is tied to this person, lol Second, I’m still coming up off of a divorce believe it or not and some of that is tied to my wallet and they reside in my home so unfortunately the Orgies are out, lol
As a person who can carry worry and stress, to wake up and be at peace with myself and my surroundings is HUGE for me. To NOT be hurried, to NOT feel backed up against the wall because someone else ahs this ‘plan’ for me and forgot to let me know what it is. To just move around at my own pace, in my own space and just BE – that’s what I’m about right now and it feels good.
I’m not really concerned if you think I’m selfish or lazy or whatever because I haven’t pulled out this Business Plan for the ‘rest of my life’. Right now I”m floating on a raft in calm waters, just looking up at the sky, taking a sip from a cold alcoholic drink, soaking up the rays of life and CHILLIN!!
So please stop asking me that and at minimum stop expecting some answer, lol