Well Well, I haven’t updated the whole online dating thing because, well because I got off of it, just as fast as I got on, lol What started out being a good idea, turned out to be interesting to say the least.
I was not successful in meeting anyone in person nor going on any dates and the truth is that one of the main reasons is because I am not in the mood currently to…chase men.
With the climate so uneasy about black men and especially among black women, I want to be careful about what my own personal observations are,but I will call a spade a spade.
There has been a shift in the matrix since the last time I was available to date. I have not caught up with that shift as of yet. I talked to quite a few Brothers and I have to say, there are a whole heap of men who have become…bitter. Women do NOT own this emotion anymore and Lord knows when we get bitter, we push on, but it seems some men have become stuck in some cycle of their ‘feelings’ being hurt. Now some of it is legitimate, but the rest…negro please. There is nothing more unattractive than a man ‘whining’ about what some woman did to him.
There also seems to have been a massive kool aid festival at Piedmont or something and quite a few brothers have drank the flavor ‘ “I am a commodity in this town so if you want me, you need to come get me” I know it’s tight out there and the choices are many, but the whole ‘if you want me come get me’ attitude is a bit off-putting. We should BOTH want to check each other out…equally.
Yes it’s online and you do need to ‘get out there’ so to speak, so like I said in a previous post – I sent out my bat single to the top 25 dudes I saw that made me sit up and take notice, THEN I sent out an additional 20 or so to those Brothers whose ‘online rap’ intrigued me and then I rounded it out with 5 more totally out of my usual. I also answered 75% of the Brothers who did reach out to me with either some conversation OR a ‘thank you so much for admiring my page, I wish you good luck in your search for..the one”
The title of this blog though relates to what had me going the most…I could not get a good conversation going to save my life. I would write a complete message to someone and they would respond with stuff like ‘hey sexy’ or for those that I actually gave my number too, the phone calls had these huge areas of silence or the texts were one word answers. One of the FIRST signs that we might get along is that we can communicate. I don’t trip on about how, I understand this fascination with text etc.
I felt like if I wasn’t texting, calling or acting in such a very aggressive way, I wasn’t going to get any action from the Brothers. I really just didn’t feel like being that aggressive at this time.
And yes, before you pounce, some of those “Good Luck” Brothers might have been really nice, but just like most of the 50 I wrote, overlooked me, it’s the nature of the beast.
I was having some sort of ‘disconnect’ with the entire thing and it became frustrating. I think some of it had to do with I had said I didn’t want to get back online and yes some of it had to do with some unresolved feelings I have – but I was not unapproachable nor would I have turned down an opportunity if it had arisen.
I think in their defense though, that women have totally let their ‘slip’ show and so this is what they have become to expect. As more and more women basically ‘prostitute’ themselves or carry on such airs while secretly begging for a man’s company cause the good job/house/car can’t keep them warm at night, Brothers have STOPPED doing the basic things that they used to do. Why call to say good morning when you’ve hit it on date 3? Why send flowers when a 10 piece lemon pepper will do? Why go on a date, when you can come over for the cost of my car note?
So I hid my page because as time goes on, maybe the winter when I’m in the house more, lol I might want to unhide it and see what’s happening again.
I’m still figuring out how to ‘be’ out here in this climate and i’m not in a space where I am longing for a relationship, so I can step away and say ‘wow that was interesting’ take from it what I need to learn about myself and others and keep it stepping until I feel like saddling up once again – but I think we really need to examine what we, both black men and women are out here trying to do – because something is VERY VERY OFF!