The Want Ads….


So where do I begin? Well I begin with…me.  Over the course of this year, I’ve actually written out all the good/bad traits of various Brothers I’ve known (dated and not dated) and for those I have dated, I have jotted down what was the tipping point as to why I decided to date them.  It is always helpful, to have most of this chronicled in a journal somewhere and then I sat long and hard and thought about what I saw on those sheets of paper and if anything needed to change in my choices, because quite honestly, just because the relationship failed doesn’t mean that person was a bad person or that I was a bad person, but you have to figure out what it is that is attracting you and see if that’s really what you need.

So, like a lot (or even most women) you hopefully have run into a few types of men. The ‘best’ sex, The best ‘love’ and the best ‘provider’ and if you have more than one trait in the same man YAS LORD and if you are with that man DOUBLE YAS LORD!

So I’ve had to face the fact that some of what I was raised with has made an imprint on my selections and I have chosen men on the basis of ‘they about to be great’.  Most of the men I have chosen have been on the come up. They all have an idea, a dream, a something that I have been ‘down’ for the cause in helping them get there.  I call it the “Jesus complex” myself, always some brother in sandals being a ‘carpenter’ of sorts because after all, isn’t it my ‘role’ to support the black man in his dreams seeing that he has the foot of the ‘man’ on his neck all the time.  It was always kinda an unspoken ‘image’ that a white collar brother or a Corporate Brother was a sell out and thus I tried to be the ‘support’. Wellll..let me say that (1) at this age, can’t place all the blame on my upbringing, at some point you just picking  and (2) I’ve done my last build a bear project.

At this age, I want established, I want a Brother that’s working smarter not harder, a Brother who has the following:

  • A fully furnished place to stay with dishes, a bed, a headboard, chairs you know regular stuff!
  • A fully operational automobile!
  • A fully functioning job!

You laugh, but I’ve only moved into one man’s spot in my entire life. I have always been the person who let folks move into my fully established pad and they never had anything but ‘as Max from Living Single said’ a dusty ole duffle bag. A brother with a bit of education under his belt other than ‘street’ knowledge does a sister good as well.

I’ve had to really listen, look and learn the scope of the ‘blue collar Brother’ and redefine that for myself.  There’s the brother that is a welder, a solid construction worker etc. and then there’s the Brother working at the Cleaners, or the Movie Theatre etc.

A brother who owns a suit that FITS, a brother that owns a hat (not a baseball cap), a brother who thinks causal is not knee jean shorts and a throwback but khaki’s and a polo.  NOT SAYING that there are not Brothers who are out here hustling that don’t do those things, but I really need to vet some actuality about what type of life I want to live, what type of learning and social life I want to be exposed to and how I want to move forward in my life doing these years.  I’m really ready to grow up my man.



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