So who is Pam right now?


Sooo who is this person?  Actually this picture has turned out to be quite the revelation on several levels.  I looked at this picture and (no I’m not lying) for the first time considered myself…beautiful.  I’ve never played that card but this picture, I’ve never seen myself in this light. I have been the ‘cute’ person, the ‘girl next door’ and all that jazz and it’s served me well, but This picture said a lot to me about the decisions I’ve been making, the type of love I deserve a chance at and a whole bunch of other stuff.

I’ve been divorced well over a year now and I’ve survived it, lol  Hey some don’t, be grateful if you have.  I’ve been really despite a few bumps, some really pulled tight heart strings and sharp sharp curves, not unhappy with my life right now.

At some point I’ve had to ‘change my story’ and in doing so I’ve had to tap into not who I just resign to be and see what else is in there that I want to be.  I’ve always been low key and humble to a fault.  It’s ok to pump your own damn self up and decide that you are the shit – the problem comes when you decide it doesn’t stink, lol

I’ve had to tell myself and more importantly believe that I’m a pretty sharp sister, and then ACT LIKE IT!  That’s what I’ve been trying to do.

I am so enjoying my little social life and this next part of my life where my child is in the middle of figuring out who she is and ironically….me too.

I am no longer sorry for who I am and I no longer am looking at disappoints in the mirror like “sorry for you Pam”  NO SORRY FOR YOU!

That’s HUGE for me and though it’s forever on the tweek, I am glad it’s arrived.  You know some of us, well all of us don’t develop at the same speed.  Some of us are already on the other side and looking back like ‘where did it all go?’ some of us have only made progress media but in private have grown moss around our feet from just staying put and some of us, are looking at all that the world has to offer and still have that wide eyed glow about it.  Unfortunately for us, we’ve had to buck up, straighten up and get some backbone – so many fuck you’s and so what’s? and this is me sorry for you moments have had to be had, but we still here an I AM STILL HERE!


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