This popped up on my time line and I thought what better a subject but first let me let you know that starting MONDAY – I will be doing Meme Monday’s. I will take a meme and discuss it..I will expound on the concept on Monday but stay tuned…how ever back to the subject at hand…
So I’m out here single, I’m 48, the game has changed, it’s like the time between when I got ‘off the market’ and now the dating world has become some type of Dystopian novel, where we are all in Mad Max gear trying to survive. A whole heap of folks have just threw in the towel and made Khandi Coated Nights rich..however, here I come all bushy tailed and bright eyed – ready to try it again. Cause I ain’t never ‘skurred’, lol
I got to thinking about a few things recently as in why exactly did I kinda bounce back rather successfully from a failed marriage as well as does that mean I’m a cold hearted bitch? Not to mention looking around for this past year – exactly WHY on Gods Green earth would I want to try to have a man?
I think that a lot of it has to do with, I have not chosen it over something better. Have I been hurt? OF COURSE, I have been down the road that just about everybody has been down – I have been cheated on, I have been mentally and emotionally abused, I have had non-reciprocal feelings, I have had BADDDDDD Dates, good dates, the whole gamut, but I have just not let ‘hurt’ unpack and lay around in my space.
To become best friends with hurt means that you also have become bed mates with the delusion that your shit don’t stank. What I mean is that if you think that you are the President and Owner of HURT then you must also think that it’s a Uber Cab that always comes looking for YOU! If you have been blessed to have parents, especially a Mother then be happy, because you can now say you have known probably the ONLY person who thinks you are SPECIAL..everybody else..it’s all relative, lol Which means while you are somewhere thinking you the only one that has been hurt because of them, they might be somewhere thinking the same thing about..you.
I stay living in the land of make believe, started as a young girl, but somewhere in there, I also live in a very up front world of reality and I think that’s what keeps me balanced enough to…try again. I don’t own being hurt, just like I don’t own hurting others and sometimes hurt is relative to the person – one person may think keeping your phone locked is ‘hurting’ to them while another may think that ‘cold cocking them in an elevator’ isn’t ‘hurt’ at all……..dig on that.
In some instances ‘hurt’ is the way you learn and grow. If something genuinely ‘hurt’ you then look at it, catalog it and make sure it doesn’t happen again…closed mouths don’t get fed if you know what I mean.
Women, particularly black women have this ‘reputation’ of holding on to hurt like forever, that’s not necessarily true, if we really held on to it – we would be living where Wonder Woman lived…there would be no men…HOWEVER, let me let you in on a little secret – MEN are actually the number one holders of….hurt. All of the conversation roaming around the internet from men is stacked upon one word…hurt. Some of this is our fault women, we have tried to make them feel ‘special’ and so when any situation comes up whether they orchestrated it or not, then they are..’hurt’ and they hold on to it – they can only see ‘hurt’ but want us to see something ‘special’ in them. Our ‘hurt’ is not as important as their ‘hurt’ for some reason a lot of the memes and conversation these days revolves around us, our hurt and how we hold on and dog folks and have closets and bags etc. GTFOH, Just because everything in their ‘closet’ is dark doesn’t mean their’s is not filled to the brim with their shit too…we all go it..Yet, we keep trying to deal.
Here is where I am..I have been hurt, but I am not hurt if you can understand that. I am more cautious of my heart and feelings because I’m just at an age where by this time, I should have learned some lessons in life. The thing is, there is no guarantee that I won’t be the recipient of ‘hurt’ but then again there is no steadfast rule that I will be. The only way I can lay claim to carrying hurt around is if I didn’t have the right or privilege to make free conscious decisions as to the choices I have made, then yea I can hold on to hurt because I wasn’t in control of the situation..but as we all know for all of us. that ain’t the truth, lol
So I am available for the next go round, I will not be holding myself back from the possibility of a wonderful relationship with a man, a wonderful experience with a man and maybe even a little bit of hurt. I may not wear my entire heart on my sleeve anymore, but it’s there. I will end with this….
“The past is scary, the past is filled with torment and heartbreak. The past will live with you and make you forget your present if you give it the power to. And it becomes more painful when you drag someone along with you, someone who keeps trying to make you happy but you keep moving back to the sorrows of your past, it’s very hurtful because I’ve been through it. Whatever happened in your past isn’t your partner’s fault and they can NOT be blamed for the sorrows you went through in your past, don’t give them the burden they can’t carry. Make sure you learn to forgive and forget, and then start life fresh and anew with your partner, with the amount of love and care they deserve”