What A Fucking Year!

Whoo!! Wow!! I be damned!  and Whoo Again!  For long periods of my life I have been reactionary, I make decisions based on urgent need, immature ‘I’mma get you” or “i’mma do what I want anyway”  or using the ‘fighting cat in the corner’ method of life choices – 2014 however, has been all about taking control of my life and all Temple Property in view!!  Instead of life’s movement screaming at me, I was screaming at it.

I can’t even begin to really articulate all the things that have gone on in my life over the last 365 days.  Some of it was VERY difficult, some of it was so cleansing, some of it was such a surprise, some of it has been so heart wrenching and then some of it has been what fairy tales are made of.

The rumor has always been that the forties is when you really get grown and here is what I have to say about that in relation to me. I have come to the conclusion that I am running about 7-8 years behind in development on certain things.  So it would only be right if 48 is the year that I got grown.

I think the biggest thing I can take out of this year, the over arching theme is SHEDDING.  I feel SO MUCH LIGHTER!! I am a hoarder of stress, worry and anxiety. Well baby the therapist came and made me clean up and I feel so much better.

That’s another theme for the year..the way I FEEL.  I feel lighter, i feel better, i feel freer than I have EVER felt.  I have always said that I am living carefree, but it was a planned and carefully crafted…lie.  The

The last theme of the year has been about ACKNOWLEDGEMENT and ACCEPTANCE.  I have finally become comfortable with so much of me, even the bad parts, being comfortable with that has allowed the other to happen.

In 2013 i spent A LOT of my time in my bed – incapable of seeing 1 foot in front of me.  I could have looked at that as the end, but somewhere inside of me there was a feeling that instead of curling up to die, I was curling up to live and that’s exactly what happened.

I am thankful no matter how crazy the ride has been for this moment of clarity in my life.  Because of this shift in perception, I can never go back and as I move about even if I do dip back, I surely can’t and won’t…stay.  I’m just going to pick up something that I found necessary on my trip…FORWARD!

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