The Build A Brother Syndrome….

 

I was raised with an enormous amount of reverence and love for the Black Man. He is the King. He is the “The maker, The  owner, Cream of the Planet Earth – God of the Universe” He is MY man and I am HIS woman and since He started all this right here – I am in an esteemed place on this planet and in this solar system.

There was a ‘special’ affinity for the black man who was…struggling.  It was the white man’s fault that he couldn’t be great.  The brother that is selling bread, making jewelry, hustling, doing what had to be done to feed and clothe his woman and family was extra special and THAT was the man that deserved  a…woman…like…me.  I was BRED and RAISED to be a wife, mother and helpmate. For the most part it’s automatic in me.

In my adult years, I joke that the women in my family have a “Jesus” Complex, if he ain’t barefoot and a carpenter, he is not wanted, lol  Since higher education and what could be termed as “white man’s life” were not really promoted in my family, the young man that went to college or the man that wore a suit to work or even the young man who did not own and operate his own business , was not something that was ever really presented to me as an option for being my man.

So with that background, I went out here in the world and, I have, for the most part, spent my life with this type of man in some form or fashion……..

HOWEVER, and this is why I stress that as a parent you give them the very best, but they need to go out and try it ALL of it, the ideas, the religion etc. and you can’t be mad if they don’t come back with the same idea you had – you are there as a FOUNDATION, they are allowed to build their own house and sometimes it’s not on the land that you so carefully tilled for them!

Anyhoo, as I have been out here in the world and lived a little and tried some things and grown a bit..and become (GASP) educated and out here in the work force, there started to be a shift in my thinking. The Blackman who is a VP at a company is hustling the same way that a Blackman who drives a delivery truck.  There is no difference if the goal is to take care of self and family.  There are all kinds of brothers doing all kinds of things that are attractive and viable and it doesn’t have to be about a…struggle.

On the same token, my role that I’m comfortable in can be adjusted for that brother as well. A helpmate is a helpmate and it doesn’t always have to revolve around  building (and holding)  him up – he can already be built and just need you to make sure there are no cracks.

I sayyy all of this to say that, I woke up one morning and was like “I’m tired”  I’m tired of “Build A Brother Projects”  I have paid my dues in that arena.  It’s ok to want a Brother that is established in a way much like I am.  The hustle needs to be adjusted for the times as well as the role of the ‘helpmate’.

The reasons and the trying times that currently afflict our people are not so much the direct result of ‘white people oppression’ as they are  ‘black people individual demons and issues that can, but not necessarily, be compounded by institutional mental and or financial slavery”

Being single at this age has been a surprise, but it’s time to really be honest with myself about where I am in my own development and how I would like to spend the rest of my life and with what type of person.

I NEED TO BE ALLOWED TO BE GREAT IN MY OWN DAMN LANE!!  I’m really not trying to lead anything or have to figure it out or any f that. I’m a traditional woman with somewhat traditional values and standards and damn good at staying in my lane, but being a cheerleader AND the quarterback has gotten old for me.

This part of my life, should be…

• About grown children and grown things.
• About exploring this earth that was given to us.
• About lazy weekends because he’s off.
• About let me teach you something new
• About stand down Pam, I got this
• About I have a plan for us and our family.
• About I haven’t had my clothes on all day and he’s not finished…yet
• About great intellectual conversation while watching great non-intellectual  TV
• About weekend getaways where I just need my overnight bag
• About solid middle class living

I will FOREVER champion the Blackman! He is the most magnificent man on the earth in my opinion and I have NO desire to be or lay with any other – however, in the growth process, I have, by being out here, started to re-define the type of man that I would like to do this second portion of my life with.

No, this doesn’t mean he needs to wear a Brooks Brother and  make six figures, what it does mean is that he’s established, his children are near to or already grown, he understands how to move about out here in this world, he has his own friends and hobbies and understands the difference between a dream deferred and a hobby, he’s been someplace, he can kick it at the company bbq and at his cousin pookie’s bbq, that he knows how to have a home by himself, that he sees me as an enhancement to his already established world and not the other way around.

I’m doing the work and I see him looking…….